My husband and I started trying for baby #2 a year ago January. Within that year we had some major highs and lows but I’m here to tell you our story and hopefully shed light on something that’s more common than not.
Going into this though we *assumed* everything would go the way it did the first time with Hudson. Fast. Easy. Enjoyable. Exciting. We actually waited til after his 2nd birthday figuring the process would be super quick.
Turns out we can get pregnant relatively easily. Three months in (March) we had a positive pregnancy test! At our first (almost 9 weeks) appointment though, we discovered we weren’t as far along as we thought and some things looked a little off – no babe, just a sac. This (which I’ve talked about before here) is called a blighted ovum, where an embryo actually never develops. To push the miscarrying process along I took a prescription that took over three weeks to flush my system – it’s painful, physically draining and if you’re not in the right mindset can totally throw you in an emotional downward spiral. With this specific miscarriage though, no one was to blame – this sort of thing just happens. The final process ended in June and we were back to trying.
Between May and August I took additional blood tests – checking on hormone levels throughout my monthly cycle. There was one test that showed a low Progesterone figure, so I was given supplements. No big.
In August we got another positive pregnancy test – this time it was an early test, since you can test up to 6 days before your missed period. I was antsy and the lines were faint. I started spotting about a week later and went to my Dr. It was a “chemical pregnancy” where just enough of the pregnancy hormone was detected but I wasn’t actually “pregnant.” They told me I was having a late period. So try again.
Two days before Thanksgiving we had another positive pregnancy test! This time, we thought our miscarriage ratio was lower since we just had one, but realistic to the fact that WE CAN’T CONTROL what happens here. That whatever happens now is really out of our hands. We go see the Dr. at 5 weeks – all looked normal. We go back in at 7 weeks – all looked normal, a heartbeat even! So our hopes were high, but we still knew that anything can happen. We tell our closest friends and family over the holidays – by this time it’s Christmas and we had some proof that things were going in the right direction. And it was pretty obvious when I turned away a glass of wine or a cold milk stout.
We fly to Mexico for our annual trip and I stay clear of all things booze and raw fish and watch this 11 week bump in my one piece swim suits. (picture shown)
In just two days of returning from our trip (how about that timing?), I started spotting. That Friday it got worse and I immediately went to the ER since my OB-GYN was closed. Now, the ER is a humbling place – what I was in there for ultimately wasn’t that bad. All my tests and exams came back telling me I WAS healthy, but the baby I thought I had, actually stopped developing at 8 weeks and my body was just now going through the miscarriage process. AGAIN!
I didn’t cry. I didn’t ask WHY. I didn’t freak out.
As odd as it might sound, going through this before did actually provide “comfort” – I knew what it meant, how it felt, what it was going to be like, the entire process was familiar and in the end OKAY.
What would have been our first trimester ultrasound turned into something entirely different. I brought in my ER paperwork and gave them a heads up. What had happened was OKAY. What I wanted to know now was 1) how is my body doing? 2) when can we try again?
Turns out my body did what it needed to do all on it’s own. No prescriptions or surgery needed. Which to me, was a huge relief. Those two days were insanely painful and awful, but it’s a natural thing. Our Dr. explained that since we did see a fetus and a heartbeat that this was most likely caused by a chromosome abnormality that my body ultimately rejected. Something along the lines of natural selection. That this type of miscarriage, for my age of 33, is 1 in every 400. Because this was our first chromosome related miscarriage (even though this is technically our second miscarriage in a row – sigh) we were rest assured that we don’t need to do additional chromosome testing yet and that odds are we’ll still have a successful and healthy pregnancy down the road. As a women trying to conceive – whether you lost 1 baby or multiples – that’s really all you need to hear.
You are still capable and will most likely have a healthy baby.
How fortunate am I though? Because when it comes down to it – I am healthy, my family is healthy and I already have a stellar 3 year old boy that makes me BEAM. For those trying to have their FIRST baby – I can’t imagine how that must feel, but don’t give up hope.
What we’ve gone through is natural. It’s nature. Please read that as – It’s NOT you.
For fellow women going through something similar – keep your chin up! Trust that your body is doing the right thing and that your magical miracle will come. I have no doubt in my mind that Hudson will become a big brother one day – that the stupid age gap I’ve been dwelling on is dumb and that in the end when it’s the right time it’ll happen and we’ll be ready. Nervous, naturally – but ready.
Plus, there’s a lot of fun in trying.
And to those that want to ask couples why they don’t have kids, or why they only have one or if they want more – please, don’t. Sometimes it’s not up to them and the answer in fact might not be the easiest to share.
Our story is also being shared on My Domaine today – please go give it some love. Their team and editors are a delight and I love how they do an excellent job in writing about REAL things like miscarriages that aren’t typically shared. As women, we need to stick together and help each other out.
Jamie so beautifully written. It is such an emotional process and I definitely agree having one healthy child already helps so much, I had 2 similar chemical pregnancies/mcs after I had James and i reacted similarly to you. Just wanting to know why. But grateful my body has a good filter and helps me grow a healthy baby. The planning is the hardest part. Good luck girl. Xoxox
Jamie Gernert says
thanks for sharing, Heather! And you now have beautiful babes since James. Stories like yours shed hope which is everything.
Jamie, I have two brothers, One five years older and one 9 years younger. Funny thing is it never felt like an age gap, in fact the brother that is 9 years younger is my best friend still and I’m 65! The age difference was due to my mom having multiple miscarriages but in the end our family came together. Thanks for sharing your story. Sending you a big hug 🤗😍❤️ Joni Larsen. P.S. Jon and I talk about you and the family still
Jamie Gernert says
Thanks, Joan! Proof that it all works out. Just gotta keep moving forward and loving the little fam I do have, right!? And yeah, you and Jon are total gems and so glad we were able to cross paths!